


you are everything i've ever wanted

by suninthesky



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: (hes so in love tho), Angst, Confessions, First Kiss, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, fake deep, javis oblivious, kinda??, yea, yuzurus a nerd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-29 07:46:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10849581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suninthesky/pseuds/suninthesky
Summary: Javi shone so brightly, Yuzuru was scared he’d go blind.He closed his eyes.That’s what you do when you try to look at the sun after all.





	you are everything i've ever wanted

**Author's Note:**

> Well, hi it's my first yuzuvier fic!  
> I've wanted to do one for a while but yeah, kind of forgot about that later.  
> I'd suggest you to listen to Hyukoh's new song called 'Paul' since it hugely inspired me to write this piece.  
> Enjoy this fake deep mess!  
> (this is unbeta'd and english isnt my first language so sorry for any mistakes)

Swaying lightly to the music he stood in the corner of the banquet room, propping his right elbow on the table beside him, careful not to spill any drinks placed there. Yuzuru's been slouching in the exact same spot for quite some time now, tapping his fingers delicately to the rhythm of the music with one hand and picking his nails nervously with the other. 

 

He did enjoy World Team Trophy in the end, despite his disastrous short program (he still thought about his idiotic mistakes). He wasn’t able to produce a satisfying performance (at least to himself) so it kind of weighed on his shoulders, a promise to work harder in the next season, to soar with his wings wide open somewhere high in the sky, far above anyone else, to burn brighter than the sun and blind the others.

 

He had so much more to prove. He was sure of it.

 

Those past 6 months left their scares on his body and mind but because they appeared in the first place, he was able to learn from his mistakes and avoid them later on. He was able to grow because of them, although he felt this sharp sting of loneliness more often than not in comparison to the previous year. Maybe he was the cause, or maybe they were just growing apart but Yuzuru couldn’t seem to let him go. Not after spending that many years by Javi’s side. He couldn’t fathom how it all went down the way it did.

 

They still spent a lot of time with each other, being more handsy and touchy than it was socially acceptable (Junhwan still had nightmares after that one time he walked in on them when they thought nobody would go to the locker room well past 10 pm) but Yuzuru just couldn’t shake off that constant thought at the back of his head every time they hugged a little too tight or every time Javi’s fingers lingered on his wrist a little too long. He knew Javi was with Miki and didn’t experience all of their little moments the way Yuzuru did.

 

The problem was that Javi never really belonged to him. It was Yuzuru that’s changed and all of sudden had some problem with it.

 

Out of nowhere, he felt a slight touch to his shoulder and then a hushed ‘sorry’ in thick accent following as some female skater managed to bump into him by an accident. He nodded and turned his gaze in her direction, noticing handfuls of people that had gathered on the dancefloor.

 

A soft melody blasted from the speakers and he let it lull his mind into peaceful somber.

 

Some of the skaters started dancing, more and more joining the previous ones until almost everybody was in the center, only a few loners were left in some or the other corner of the room.

 

Yuzuru reached out his left hand to grab a glass of water and gulped it slowly, staring at his teammates dancing with the members of team China.  He felt happy seeing them enjoy themselves.

 

His mind seemed cluttered with all of the thoughts that were giving him pain tonight. 

-

Yuzuru watched his mother go, as he stood in the door frame, waving at her slightly. Yumi suddenly had to go back to Japan upon receiving a message from her husband. They were supposed to attend some annual family gathering and he insisted on her joining him and their daughter – Saya. Yuzuru of course wasn’t able to accompany them since he was in the middle of learning his new choreography and Jeffrey would’ve killed him if one day he wouldn’t show up in the Cricket Club, being already far away on the plane to Japan.

 

“Remember you have dinner in the fridge, it should last you for the 6 days without any problem!” Yuzuru just nodded at his mother, being used to her overprotectiveness.

 

Yumi sighed as she looked at her son. “I know mom, don’t worry about me… I’m an adult!”

 

“Yes but only recently you’ve managed to set rice on fire! In a rice cooker!”

 

Yuzuru shrugged, feeling offended. “It was only one time mom, don’t worry about me,” He took a few steps and went over to her, engulfing her in his arms. She put her chin on his shoulder and hugged him tighter, drawing small circles on his back as she did so. “besides Javi and Brian will definitely check up on me and stay in touch with you. I’ll be fine.”

 

“I know, I’m just being paranoid without any reason,  you know?” She put her hands onto his cheeks, squishing his face slightly, and placed a light kiss onto his forehead. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too, mom.” Yuzuru took her hands and squeezed them tightly. “Have a safe flight and phone me as soon as you land.”

 

After her cab finally arrived, Yuzuru went back to his house, not really knowing what to do from now on. He had a day off today so going to practice his new routine wasn’t really an option. He didn’t particularly like to go out or go sightseeing, so in the end he decided to opt for what he liked to do the most in his free time.

 

He put on some music since he finally was able to experience some sort of freedom. Not that his mother’s presence bothered him that much though. Then he went to the kitchen and decided to heat up some remnants of today’s dinner. After managing not to burn himself or any part of the furniture, he headed to the living room.

 

It was a rather small interior, with light walls and soft, yellow-warm curtains. It was exceptionally sunny outside, so he enjoyed the sunrays caressing his face delicately as he sat down on a brown sofa. He then turned on the TV and put on some game, the one he hasn’t finished yet.

 

Bright colors burst out on the screen and he engulfed himself in the game completely, losing touch with the outside world. He didn’t know how long he’d been playing for but only did he turn his head over when he heard some sort of strange noise outside.

 

Yuzuru got up from the couch and walked over to the door and before he opened them, he’d checked to see if anyone was there and to his surprise he’d spotted Javi banging on the doorframe rapidly.

 

“What are you doing here?” Yuzu asked as he opened the door.

 

“I’ve heard from Brian that your mother had to go to Japan and leave you here so I’ve decided to maybe keep you company a little bit? If you don’t mind?”

 

He wouldn’t mind certainly. Yuzuru would never stop being thankful for Javi’s presence in his life. The way the latter almost always seemed to know how to cheer him up or just offer some reassuring words and gestures. He couldn’t stop admiring Javi and how the sun made him glow in its afternoon light, his smile softer than usual as if it was even possible. He had decided to wear glasses and Yuzu could see his own dumbstruck reflection in them and he couldn’t help but to stare at him. Not when his hair was a total mess and he probably needed to have it cut a little bit but then Yuzuru wouldn’t be able to thread his fingers through it, which he currently wanted to do so badly and-

 

“I’d never mind Javi.” He forgot for a moment about everything around himself, including the real Javi and his puzzled expression. He shook his head in embarrassment and extended his arm.

 

“Sorry, I forgot,” He heard Javi chuckle and he could’ve sworn it was one of the most beautiful sounds that could only be rivaled by _paa_ of a successfully landed quad. “come in.”

 

 

 

They kind of lost track of time as Yuzuru got up to put on yet another game, after a long while filled with Javi’s whining, supposedly the game’s complexity and only Japanese version available being the cause.

 

“You just suck and don’t want to admit it.” Yuzu teased the latter as he sat down on the couch, putting Javi’s leg on top of his own crossed ones. He then propped his head on the other skater’s shoulder and felt himself relax once again, turning on his usual gaming mode. They would naturally mingle into each other in some way or another, being it with just hand holding or full on cuddling on the old sofa at the Cricket Club.

 

“Well I can’t help that I can’t speak Japanese,” He poked at Yuzu’s side which made the other erupt in giggles “unlike you who is ill-treating me-“

 

“Javi so mean today.” He threw his hands up and ruffled his hair in a playful manner. “I let Javi win this time.” Yuzuru watched his character die all of sudden, its HP bar rapidly decreasing until a big ‘GAME OVER’ appeared on the screen. Javi just shrugged, pleased with himself.

 

“Oh I’m not letting you go easy this time!”

 

 

 

“I should probably go-“

 

“In night? When it dark and you all alone?” Javi laughed at Yuzu’s baffled expression. He looked as if somebody had told him that a ratified quad axel had already been executed in competition.

 

“You should stay the night. Please?” He used his famous puppy stare that could melt anybody’s heart, including Brian’s.  “Mom’s not at home so you don’t have to worry.”

 

“Oh? So you wanted to do something that may have potentially scare your mother?” The latter teased him, clearly enjoying himself as Yuzuru finished processing his words, his features slowly twisting as the meaning finally hit him.

 

“Why you think of dirty stuff!?” He punched Javi’s side slightly as he felt blush creep up his cheeks and ears. Why was it so hot in there anyway?

 

“Hey, it’s you that actually mentioned that!” Javi was laughing now, his chest heaving rapidly and eyes crinkling. For some it may have sounded obnoxious or annoying even, but not for Yuzuru. 

 

He was so beautiful it physically hurt to just stare at him and not do anything, and Yuzuru wanted to do  so much, he could feel something itching underneath his skin, suddenly hyper aware of everything that surrounded him, them. He just wanted to intertwine their fingers and squeeze his rough hands so tightly he would feel Javi’s knuckles bite into his palm and maybe lay his hand on the latter’s chest and listen to his heartbeat, let it carve into his memory forever and maybe he wanted to press his lips to Javi’s, softly, harshly and feel him shudder as much as he would in that moment, drink in his coarse breathing and –

 

“Do you think I could use your shirt or something?”

 

He was so beautiful.

 

“Yuzu?”

 

He shook his head, as if trying to drive away all those thoughts, feelings, some complicated shit he wasn’t able to decipher. Not yet. “Yes! I mean, Javi much bigger than me.”

 

“So I have to sleep shirtless at last.” Yuzuru’s jaw went slack. It’s not like he hasn’t seen the latter without his shirt on, hell, he’s even seen him naked a couple of times but suddenly a mere thought of inches of golden, sun tanned skin drove him insane.

 

It was going to be a long night.

 

 

 

“Get off me,” Yuzuru whispered as he tried to untangle his limbs from the mess on his bed, which consisted of Javi and the sheets.

 

They’d showered and, after completing their nighttime routines, went to drift off into peaceful slumber. Yuzuru’d offered his bed to Javi, opting to take the couch instead, but the latter insisted on the doing the exact opposite, explaining that he had only been a guest, which had been completely inadmissible to Yuzuru.

 

They’d decided to share his bed in the end, which was actually surprisingly big. The summer was in the full bloom, every night being hotter than the previous one, so Yuzuru’d chosen not to wear a shirt as well, not wanting to physically melt later on. 

 

“-mm why are you so noisy?” Javi mumbled, clearly not fully awake yet. It must’ve been around 3 am.

 

“My mouth dry,” He trailed, trying to spot Javi’s head in the pitch black darkness. “I want to drink water.”

 

“You can’t wait with that till morning?” He yawned.

 

“I go quick.” he said as he tried to get up, failing miserably as his leg got caught in the sheets.

 

“I’ll go with you so you don’t hurt yourself by an accident.” He reached out his hand and turned on the light, squinting his eyes as the brightness hit them both. “Brian would’ve killed me if you’ve injured yourself again.”

 

“Javi?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Can you take me? On your back? Me still sleepy.” Yuzuru giggled as he heard the latter sigh but comply, lifting him up and putting his arms around his neck, the other skater propping his legs on Javi’s sides as he did so.

 

 

After getting to the kitchen without any casualties, Javi placed Yuzuru on the counter, complaining as he heard something crack in his back.

 

“Javi getting old.” He teased as he gazed at him.

 

“Yeah? You take me on your back on our way back to the bedroom.”

 

“I strong!” Yuzuru revolted, feeling slightly offended.

 

Javi smiled at the latter. “Yuzu not everybody has to be big and hunky, really. You’re small but like, very fierce inside.” He gestured with his arms, not really knowing how to phrase what he had in mind.

 

“I not small” He mumbled as Javi looked around the kitchen, clearly in search of something.

 

“Where do you have glasses? Or cups?”

 

“Oh, there,” He turned around slightly, pointing at the cupboard beside him.

 

Javi reached out his hand. “All right,  I’ll get them.” He muttered as he opened it , careful not to hit Yuzuru’s head at the same time. Luckily, there were 2 glasses left right at the end of the shelf. He had to stand on his toes to get them, leaning closer to the counter. Only did he realize how close they actually were when he suddenly became aware of  Yuzuru’s ragged breathing hitting his cheek.

 

They were close. Very close in fact, with almost no personal space left, as his torso got practically engulfed by Yuzuru’s naked thighs. Momentarily the room felt much hotter as if they were somewhere else and not in Toronto, caught in a moment.

 

If Yuzu thought that his mouth was dry before, now it felt drier than the sandpaper. He was so close he was afraid that if he leaned any closer, they’d melt and mix in together; in this stifling heat of August night.

 

He licked his lips carefully, a nervous habit he’d picked up over years, and turned his head up, meeting Javi’s gaze. The latter must’ve sensed his agitation as he’d put one of his hands behind his ear, stroking the little hairs over there in a comforting manner.

 

Yuzuru gulped.

 

He could see dark browns fixing on his Adam’s apple and then, almost in suspension, trail far up his neck, stopping to gaze at the veins protruding there from all this tension, to finally meet his own, slightly darker ones. He could feel the beads of sweat forming at the base of his head.

 

It was so hot, he thought he’d suffocate.

 

Involuntarily, Yuzuru forced his eyes shut, blinking, and then he decided to fix his stare at the other one’s collarbones, wanting to cover them with his lips, place a feather light kiss here and  there. He couldn’t tell where did this sudden eagerness come from, his thoughts speeding at thousands of miles per hour, colliding with each other and oscillating so much he could feel his head ache.

 

He liked to imagine them, together, in another universe; making out in that exact moment, laughing jauntily and just being happy, content with their lives. They’d kiss delicately at first, just brief contact of lower lips, then they’d both get more impatient, eyes crinkling with tears of joy, warmth filling their stomachs. He’d playfully bite Javi’s lip and the latter would groan impatiently, pressing closer and engulfing Yuzuru’s slender frame with his arms. They’d lick into each other’s mouths, slowly, forgetting about the outside world, becoming immersed in their own little one. Soon after  there’d be lips attached to his neck, teeth nipping at the skin there almost breaking it but not quite enough. He’d moan absent-mindedly bringing the latter even closer to himself, their sweaty bodies plastered to each other. They’d fall asleep holding hands that night and everything would be warm and yellow.

 

All of the surroundings seemed to dissipate, even small flickers of light hallowing the latter’s face, as he all of sudden got indescribably closer or maybe Yuzuru was just going to pass out from all this torridity. 

 

Javi shone so brightly, Yuzuru was scared he’d go blind. He closed his eyes. That’s what you do when you try to look at the sun after all.

 

Slowly, there were nails biting into his back, crescent moons joining the almost faded purple blemishes covering his hipbones like little flowers; and he was sure they’d leave bruises but he couldn’t bring himself to mind the pain. The other hand buried in his hair twisted hastily, pulling at the black, shiny strands, almost ripping them off and he let out a silent yelp as there were desperate lips practically crushing with his own like two supernovas, faster than the speed of light.

 

He was falling into pitch black darkness, numb with fear but abruptly there was a small flicker of light, somewhere there, far away. Javi was there, with him, and suddenly he wasn’t afraid of total annihilation.

 

He’d fly too close to the sun and burn, explode and disperse into thousands of small pieces - molecules but he wouldn’t mind. That’s all he’s ever wanted.

 

A loud thud resounded across the room as Yuzuru accidentally knocked off one of the glasses, resulting in it shattering completely.

-

 

Another slow song was played, this one being seemingly calmer than the previous one.

 

Yuzuru sighed.

 

He was becoming slightly bored. He'd taken a couple of pictures with the other skaters, wishing all of them for a fruitful next season. Then he managed to avoid the pestering sponsors and some other people.

 

The atmosphere felt kind of different as if something had shifted in the air. All of sudden everyone on the dancefloor paired up, guys asking girls and all that stuff. They seemed happy and reckless and for a moment Yuzuru felt as if he were much older than them though it was far from the truth actually.

 

He scanned the huge crowd, searching for the familiar faces, stopping for a moment to laugh teasingly at poor Shoma repeatedly refusing Evgenia’s offers, his eyes pleading silently – he couldn’t risk to help him out though. Then he spotted Boyang and Yang Jin dancing with some female skaters, though both of them looked as if they wanted to repeat their ice dance routine from earlier.  He saw Nathan shaking his head vigorously as he was being apparently asked out by his American teammate – Ashley, though he could see blush creeping up his face as he’d finally agreed. Out of nowhere he’d spotted another familiar face somewhere far away but also not quite.

 

There in the shadows of the banquet room stood Javi, lurking and not really dancing. Actually he was propping his elbow on the table, which was placed at the opposite side of Yuzuru. His head was dropped and he looked as if he was trying to burn a hole in the floor with his gaze.

 

Javi looked so beautiful with his glasses nested at the tip of his nose and Yuzuru adored them so much (he’d sometimes sneak them out from the latter), the black turtleneck he’d decided to wear was somewhat tight but not too much, perfectly enhancing the features of his body.

 

Yuzuru’d wished he’d stood by his side, asked him out to the dancefloor where they’d immerse themselves in each other, not caring for the others. He wanted to do so many things; things he shouldn’t be doing. Not in front of the other people. Not there.

 

He didn’t do anything, yet he couldn’t block out a small stab of heartache when he suddenly felt blinded.

 

Javi was looking at him, a question in his stare.

 

Yuzuru wanted to cry and run past the whole room. He wanted to yell at him and ask him why they didn’t spend that much time with each other anymore, he wanted to know if the other had forgotten about the past summer, about all those times when their eyes locked with each other for a little too long and what all of those deep hugs meant and why the latter would touch his thigh every time they sat together at the table, even when Miki was with them and why he didn’t want to share the hotel room with Yuzuru anymore and why he didn’t even try to approach him at the galas and –

 

Tears threatened to spill from his eyes and trail down his face miserably but he was able to stop himself, choking on all the things he wanted to say and all the things he _oh so desperately_ wanted to happen.

 

Yuzuru noticed the apparent distress in Javi’s eyes though he couldn’t understand its source.  There was something underneath all those layers of Javi he knew so well. The smiley-sunshine one that was adored by so many. The more serious and focused one that appeared mostly during important competitions. The caring and selfless one that had previously inspired Yuzuru to be better. The unsure and anxious one he he’d wished didn’t exist at all.

 

He’d known him for all those years but that night for the first time he couldn’t figure out the emotions that seemed to tug at the latter’s heart.

 

 _“Come with me.”_ Javi’s eyes implied as he fixed his stare at Yuzuru.

 

On spur of moment he could understand him completely. His chest felt full of something he didn’t want to acknowledge, not yet; his heart thumping heavily. They didn’t need words after all, not when for the first time in forever they seemed to want the same thing, or so he thought at least.  He followed Javi as the other one quickly hurried out of the room. He didn’t need to check if Yuzuru was behind him since his steps were as rushed as Javi’s.

 

It was an exceptionally warm night for a month of April, with chilly wind that caressed their figures as they got the rooftop. From that high up they could see the whole city perfectly; a huge scaffolding blocking out the silver and gentle moonlight as if the moon was whining at the absence of stars, killed by the light pollution. Blinding neon lights and lonely night shops visited by insomniacs, their stupid flashy banners sticking out rudely, somehow adding to this whole cacophony. Somewhere far away a white noise of a rattling train mixed in with the hustle of a traffic jam.

 

Yuzuru closed his eyes and breathed in, allowing himself to drift off somewhere far away from Tokyo or even from Japan. In that moment everything felt so easy, each possibility; an endless string of things, suddenly appearing in front of his eyes, enticing him to be careless this one time and drop everything behind.

 

 _Breathe out._ He opened his eyes.

 

“Hi.” he uttered quietly. _How eloquent Hanyu._

 

“Hi.” Javi scratched the back of his head as he fixed his stare at Yuzuru.

 

Gleaming faintly in the darkness he reached out his hand, calloused fingers trembling nervously. Yuzuru wanted to believe it was from the cold though he knew deep down how absurd that sounded.

 

The other one gulped heavily, tongue gliding over his bitten lips.

 

“D’you want to?” a whisper so silent, Yuzuru had to check twice if he hasn’t made that up in his not-so-properly-working-today head.

 

“Yeah,”

 

They couldn’t hear the music from the banquet room but Yuzuru was sure that in that moment he wouldn’t notice anything at all as Javi got overwhelmingly closer, something soft in the way his eyes seemed to glaze.

 

“Can I?” Yuzuru could hear his voice breaking at the question – something, maybe hope, trying to show through or so he thought at least, though the way the latter seemed to pierce his face with his stare was enough of an evidence.

 

He didn’t say anything and just put his hand in Javi’s, throwing everything behind. All those misconceptions people had of him, all those high demands, everything he wasn’t and would never be. He let himself be guided by the other one.

 

A strong hand was being plastered to his back, stroking his frame delicately as if he was some kind of easily treaded over flower. He didn’t know that in the latter’s mind he was everything there ever was. To living and even existing.

 

Little did he know that in that minute he was someone else’s whole galaxy and Javi was careful not to make him disappear.

 

Following each other’s steps they swayed to the nonexistent music created by their bodies, somehow having the same melody in mind. Yuzuru leaned back a little bit, closing his eyes and sighing in content. The biggest and warmest smile appeared on his face and it didn’t falter even as Javi managed to stomp on his foot by an accident. He didn’t have much time to react as his elbow got in contact with the latter’s ribs, hitting him slightly.

 

They weren’t ice dancers after all and while on the ice they may have been able to touch the audience’s hearts with their graceful movement, being off the ice was much more difficult both in physical and mental terms.

 

An ugly laugh bubbled in Yuzuru’s throat and he didn’t even know what made him react that way but abruptly they ended up being almost plastered to each other, with little to no space left between their heaving chests. He put his head on Javi’s shoulder, drawing him closer as if it was even possible.

 

He felt drunk with glee, all of the emotions he kept pent up in his ribcage since forever, overflowing and threatening to spill from his mouth, heart.

 

As they came to their last spin - a little shaky and messy one, they laid down, not letting go of each other’s hands even for a flickering moment. Still, a joyous laughter echoed throughout the rooftop or maybe even the whole Tokyo.

 

Yuzuru gazed at the empty sky, suddenly feeling very small and immaterial. Everything, including them, seemed so amorphous that night. He turned his head a little and his eyes were met with Javi’s lighter ones. He’d been already looking at him for God knows how long.

 

As he reached out his hand hesitantly, Yuzuru brushed his thumb over Javi’s cheeks, feeling the tiny hairs of his stubble prickling him slightly then he traced it over the delicate creases around his mouth. The warmest of smiles stretched on the other one’s face. Finally he let his finger skim over Javi’s lips, feeling how incredibly soft they were and the almost nonexistent tremble as the latter parted them, breathing out quietly, eyelids fluttering shut.

 

Simultaneously they both got closer, Yuzuru held in his breath, shutting his eyes rapidly. Red warning signs appeared behind his eyelids, blinding him; he felt lost and couldn’t see his way past the maze they’d created inside his head. Everything he’s ever wanted was right in front of him, all he had to do was to simply give in.

 

He wanted to kiss him so badly, and so he did.

 

Slowly and delicately there were lips pressed to his own, trembling ones. Nothing happened at first, though he could feel his head getting dizzy and his heart begging for more. Drawing back he fixed his gaze at Javi, the latter’s breathing as fast paced as his own. There was a gentle hand at the back of his head and he’d leaned in again and that time they weren’t that unsure.

 

Their kisses became more eager, sloppier and messier. The once tender hand was now at his back, nails digging into his too big suit jacket. They’d pressed even closer and Yuzuru’s hands were both placed at the sides of the other’s face and he was _smiling, smiling, smiling_.

 

“Javi,” he uttered as the other placed yet another kiss at the corner of his mouth “why you,” the other hand was suddenly being tangled in his black locks and he tried his best not to moan right into the other’s mouth “you and Miki?” Yuzuru felt something heavy in his chest and he was afraid he’d suffocate.

 

“Broken up.” he breathed out heavily. “Been that way for a while now.”

 

“I suspected a bit but, but why you not tell me?”

 

“I,” Javi licked his lips, they were a little bit swollen from their previous activities. “I wasn’t even sure how I should react.” There was a small flicker of sadness in his gaze, smile and Yuzuru wanted to kiss his pain away. “It’s not like one of us broke up with the other one, y’know? I think we both kind of drifted apart over time and it wasn’t working anymore.”

 

“Was it,” he mumbled. He was afraid he knew the answer but he had to know. “was it because of me?”

 

Javi smiled at him dolefully. “If anything it was because of me and how stupid and blind I were.”

 

“Javi, no-“ Yuzuru revolted.

 

“Listen Yuzu, I know that our break up was mainly my fault and I’m not trying to deny it. Miki is an incredible woman and she deserves somebody far better than me, really, but at the same time I feel like I don’t deserve you as well.” There were tears in his eyes and he was trying to blink them away, though a single one still managed to escape.

 

Yuzuru leaned in closer and kissed his cheek, skimming his lips over the line of saltiness.

 

“Yuzu,” his face was being squished by the other one’s strong and slightly shaky grip but he looked at Javi, eyes full of hope and love and something so otherworldly he felt somewhat high.

 

“you are, really everything I’ve ever wanted, for a while or maybe since forever. It took me much too long to finally understand that looking anywhere else is just pointless, since there has never been a person like you in this world, and there never will be, not now, not ever. You are my dreams, my hopes, everything I want to be and everything I could’ve ask for, that’s why I feel so undeserving of you because I wasn’t able to notice it since our first meeting.”

 

He kissed him again, full of something hot burning inside his ribcage. Yuzuru was crying as well and he wasn’t sure why. He did everything instinctively, hand on his cheeks, waists pressed together and he thought that it wasn’t that hard for him to get used to this _reality._

 

He pressed Javi closer to his chest, stroking his hair gently and letting himself breathe in his scent. He held him tightly, drew circles on his back and whispered reassuring _yeah’s_  and _It’s okay’s_ into his earlobe _._ The truth was he didn’t know what that made them or where they’d head from now on. The future was unclear but for once he didn’t feel that scared.

 

_Right now, he had everything in the world, there cradled safely in his arms, and he wasn’t letting go of it any time soon._


End file.
